Destiny High School Host Club
by Gohan Roxas
Summary: Kairi's a tomboy, and the newest addition to Destiny High School. So what happens when two members of the school's famous Host Club mistake her for a guy and get her to join? AU, pure randomness. SoKai, traces of RiKai. Rated T for themes and light swears every once in a while. Inspired by 'Ouran High School Host Club'.
1. Join the Club

_**I got this idea from watching 'Ouran High School Host Club' for the first time last night. It's been nagging at me since then. So I've put the bit between my teeth and written it. Enjoy.**_

Kairi wasn't your average seventeen-year-old girl. In fact, she was probably about as far away from being normal as a human could possibly be.

Why?

Well, her father, Terra, was always moving around; his job at Kingdom Hearts Enterprises kept him on his toes.

Secondly, Kairi was a tomboy. In other words, she always dressed up in men's clothing, her auburn hair was cut short, and, despite her growth in certain feminine areas, she was always being mistaken for a guy.

"Kairi, remind me again why you bought the men's uniform?" her mother, Aqua, asked plaintively.

Kairi gave her a steady look.

Aqua blandly returned the look, before comprehension dawned in her deep blue eyes. "Oh, right."

"Exactly." Kairi resolutely began to put the trousers on.

At that exact moment, Terra walked past, looking into the room briefly. His eyes widened, then were covered by one hand. "Not looking, not looking!"

Aqua and Kairi gave off hearty laughs.

"You girls really ought to consider closing this door when this sort of thing is going on," Terra continued blandly.

Still giggling, Aqua gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

"Okay, you can look now," Kairi said to him, the smile still in her voice.

Gingerly, Terra removed his hand from his eyes. Once again, they widened considerably.

Kairi looked every inch like a man. The light blue suit jacket became her, and her – ah, shall we say, her _feminine assets_ – were well-hidden. "How do I look?"

"Uh," Terra mumbled. Kairi's parents were well aware of her tendency to wear men's clothing, but Terra was still never sure about how to deal with it. "Like, uh…the son I never had?" he finally said.

Kairi grinned and hugged him. "Thanks, Dad." She glanced at the clock. "Shouldn't you be headed to work?"

Terra glanced at his watch. "Oh crap!" He started bolting towards the door. "If I'm late, Xehanort's gonna kill me!"

"Have a good day," Aqua laughed after him.

**KH**

Kairi walked comfortably towards the school. '_Destiny High School_', the sign proudly proclaimed.

She smiled as she saw all the other students, male and female, rush into the building as if it would be a disaster if they were even five milliseconds late.

"Hey, are you new around here? Welcome to Destiny High!" a pair of voices announced behind her. Puzzled, Kairi turned and gasped when she did.

Had she hit her head? Yeah, she must have! That would explain why she's seeing double! She shook her head vigorously as if to get rid of those thoughts. It was just some twins. Twins with blue aquamarine eyes and ridiculously spiky blonde hair.

"So," one of them said then, "are ya new around here or what?"

"Yeah," she squeaked.

The other one peered at her. "You okay, dude? Your voice sounds a little…"

"…squeaky," the first one finished.

Kairi's eyebrows furrowed slightly. _They must think I'm a guy. So, let's keep that going, shall we?_ "Uh, yeah, I'm fine," she said outwardly in a voice at least one octave lower than hers actually was. "I just thought I was seeing double for a while there."

The twins grinned at each other. "We have that effect sometimes. My name's Ventus."

"And my name's Roxas," the second twin announced.

"We're the McCartney Brothers!" they said loudly, holding out their hands.

Kairi's eye twitched slightly. Ludicrously, she crossed her arms over to shake the twins' outstretched hands. "Kai Hart. Nice to meet you."

Suddenly, two blonde, blue-eyed faces were mere inches from hers.

"Uh, do I have something on my face?"

"It's not that you have something _on_ your face…"

"It's your _whole_ face. You know, I think this guy would be…"

"…perfect to fill up the now-vacated space in the host club?"

"Excellent!" they yelled together, high-fiving one another.

"Host club?" Kairi asked, confused.

**KH**

"This…"

"..is the Destiny High School Host Club!" the McCartney Brothers proclaimed grandly.

Kairi looked around the room. It was furnished rather grandly, with divans and couches littered about the place. There were several teens wearing the men's uniform, as well as girls wearing theirs. _If this were an anime_, Kairi thought wryly, _I'd be seeing hearts instead of these girl's eyes._

"Let us make some introductions," Ventus…at least, she _thought_ it was Ventus, said then. He pointed to a small group in one corner. A man was sitting comfortably on a divan with three girls swooning over him. The man had red hair that spiked out behind him, and his eyes were impossibly green. "That's Axel Flynn. He's the oldest of our group, being a senior. He used to be part of this school's little 'cult', Organization XIII. But he got bored there, so he came here.

Roxas pointed towards the opposite corner, where an equally small gaggle of girls crowded around an awkward-looking man with spiky brown hair. "That there is Sora Hikari. He's the most insecure of the club; every time he sees a pretty girl, his leg cramps up. Makes things very awkward."

Ventus then indicated a man sitting at a table off to the side, a calculator in his hand. His hair was a light bluish colour, and his eyes were a strange shade of yellow. "Over there is Isa Thornton. He's the club's accountant. He makes sure we don't spend too much funding the club."

Finally, both twins indicated the gigantic group of girls in the middle. "And somewhere under there is Riku Gallagher," they said together.

"Riku's the resident pretty-boy," Roxas explained.

"He's god long silver hair, blue eyes," Ventus added.

"He's also Host Club royalty."

"What do you mean?" Kairi asked, speaking for the first time in what felt like forever.

"His uncle is Sephiroth Newbern. The legendary Destiny High School Host Club hero."

Kairi nodded, not having a clue who Sephiroth Newbern actually was.

Dimly, she noticed the one Ventus had called Isa get up and clap his hands sharply. "Ladies, the host club is closed for the day."

There was a mass groan of disappointment from the girls, as well as groans of relief from the spiky-haired brunette, and from somewhere under the massive pile of girls in the centre of the room.

Isa raised an eyebrow. "We'll be reopen after school tomorrow."

The girls all giggled as they left. The redheaded man, the one now known as Axel, waved sardonically as his admirers left.

"Excuse us for a moment," the twins said to Kairi. They rushed to the centre of the room, helping up another member of the club, presumably the famous Riku Gallagher.

She had to admit, he was good-looking. As the twins had said, he had silver hair that reached the small of his back, and blue eyes that hid behind his fringe. He was also very tall.

He just wasn't Kairi's type, though.

"Who is this?" Isa asked, looking at her.

"Sorry, Isa! We meant to introduce him before, but Riku looked like he needed help." That was Roxas…she thought.

Kairi boldly walked over to Isa and extended her hand. "Kai Hart. Pleasure to meet you."

Isa said nothing in reply, eventually shaking her hand.

"Looks like you picked a good one," Axel said loudly to the twins. "I feel like I'd almost turn gay for this one."

"What, you're not gay already?" Roxas joked.

Axel gave him a deadly stare, but said nothing.

Isa was staring at Kairi, his yellow eyes unreadable. Eventually, he said, "Welcome to the club, Mr Hart."

Roxas and Ventus smiled broadly and hammered Kairi's back, knocking her onto her face. "Sorry!" they yelled in unison.

She felt a pair of hands gingerly grab her shoulders, pulling her up. When she was upright, she noticed it was the one known as Sora. "Th-thanks," she murmured, devoting all her energy to keeping her voice low, and to stop herself from blushing.

"No problem," Sora replied, a very slight strain in his voice.

**KH**

"So how was school?" Aqua asked when Kairi got home.

"Great," Kairi replied honestly. "I made some friends."

"Already?" Aqua marvelled, putting down her magazine. "How'd you manage that on your first day?"

"I joined a club."

"Which one?"

Kairi grinned at her mother, supressing the laughter. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

_**Like it? Loathe it? Tell me in a REVIEW.**_


	2. Confusion Ahoy!

_**Yes, two chapters in one day. Since you guys like it so much, I thought it'd be nice to treat you to another chapter. Enjoy.**_

Sora Hikari did not want to be in the Host Club. He was only there for two reasons:

His best friend, Riku Gallagher, had forced him to.

He was too scared of Isa Thornton to try to leave.

It was a problem, particularly in lieu of Sora's 'condition'. Whenever he got near a pretty girl that he liked, his leg immediately began to cramp up. His father, Squall, who preferred to go by Leon, jokingly referred to it as the 'Laguna syndrome'. Leon's father, Laguna Loire, had the same affliction as Sora.

"So, did you have any Laguna moments at school today?" Leon asked him when he got home.

Sora shook his head. "None of the girls today caught my eye, so no leg cramps."

"Awww…" Sora's mother, Rinoa Heartilly, said, walking into the room carrying a plate of muffins. "My little boy's a player."

"I'm not little, Mom," Sora objected, "and nor am I a player. I don't even want to play the game."

"Dammit!" Leon yelled. "Guess what I just lost?!"

"Ah! Dad!"

Leon roared with laughter; that was stopped by his wife ramming a muffin into his mouth.

"Mmmmf mmm mmmm mmmmf!" Leon protested.

Sora and his mother laughed just as loudly as Leon just had.

**KH**

The next day, the Host Club was joined by their newest member, the mysterious Kai Hart.

"So Kai," Axel said to the new guy, "where ya from?"

"Radiant Garden, originally," Kai replied in his tenor voice.

"Originally?" Riku asked, his eyebrow raised quizzically.

"My dad, Terra, moves around a lot for his work. So we moved from Radiant Garden to Hollow Bastion, then to Twilight Town, now here."

Roxas whistled.

"That's some travel résumé," Ventus marvelled.

"Indeed," Isa said in his low, drawling voice. "That may be exactly what this Host Club needs." He looked around. "Incidentally, we open up in about…" He checked his watch. "…five minutes."

"What?!" Sora shouted, his mouth agape.

"Relax, Sora…"

"…I doubt that any girl's gonna make you…"

"…cramp up," the McCartney Brothers placated him.

"Sure," Sora replied unenthusiastically.

"Oh, before I forget, Kai…" Axel mused.

"What?"

"Is Kai…short for something?"

Sora was sure he saw panic in the new guy's eyes. "Uh…yeah. Kaito."

Axel grinned. "Pleasure to finally meet you, Kaito Hart!"

"Places, people!" Riku shouted suddenly in a camp voice. Kaito gave him a look, but said nothing.

Lazily, Sora went to his couch and lay back, his eyes closed. He was particularly tired that day, after not getting much sleep the night before. He'd eaten too many of his mother's muffins.

He felt a tap on his shoulder. "Are you Sora Hikari?" a girl's voice asked. Ponderously, Sora got out off the couch and looked at who had been speaking to him.

It was a girl, inevitably in the uniform of Destiny High. Her hair was long and blonde, tied in a large ponytail, with braids all through it. Her eyes held a barely contained mirth.

"My name's Rikku Strong. I'm new here. Nice to meet you." She extended her hand.

Sora did not shake her hand. He didn't even speak to her. He just stared at her. Eventually, he did speak. And loudly.

"LEG CRAMP!"

**KH**

The yell broke Kairi's bemused reverie.

"LEG CRAMP!"

Everyone in the room glanced over at Sora, who was lying on the floor, clutching his right leg. A blonde girl stood in front of him, confusion and worry all over her face.

"Don't worry, miss," Riku said consolingly. "You should take this as a compliment. Sora's leg only cramps up for the really pretty girls."

The girl turned to him; her eyes widened. "Riku!"

"Rikku? It is! Rikku!" Laughing, he enveloped her in a bear hug, which she returned.

"I'm confused," Kairi murmured.

"I get the feeling…"

"…that they know each other," the McCartney Brothers mused.

"I know that, but…they're _both_ named Riku?"

"No," Isa said behind her. She, Roxas and Ventus jumped. "He is named Riku. Her name is Rikku."

"That doesn't help us!" Roxas protested.

Isa chuckled lowly. "There are two 'k's in her name, meaning it is pronounced differently to Mr Gallagher's."

"Still not helping," Ventus complained.

Isa face palmed and walked off.

"Guys, I want you to meet an old friend of mine, Rikku Strong."

"You pronounced that differently to your own name," Ventus murmured.

"Called it," Isa said loudly.

"Rikku, this is Axel, Ventus, Roxas, Isa and Kaito."

Rikku smiled in turn to each of them, but her gaze caught on Kairi. She heard the blonde girl's breath catch. _This might be a problem_, Kairi thought.

"Say Rikku," Riku said then, "you wanna catch up after I'm done here? You know, as friends?"

"S-sure," Rikku stuttered, her eyes still on Kairi. One of the other girls that Rikku had entered with, a girl with short silver hair, grabbed the blonde's wrist to drag her out of the room.

When Rikku was gone, Riku gave Kairi and Sora glances, then broke out in a grin. "This is perfect!"

"What is?" Roxas and Ventus asked.

"Let's look at it this way. Sora likes Rikku, right?"

"How can you tell?" Kairi asked him.

"His leg cramped up. You know, his 'syndrome'?"

"Oh yeah."

"Also," Riku continued, "Rikku likes Kaito."

"Wh-what?!" Kairi stammered.

"You mean you didn't know?" Riku asked, grinning. "This has all the makings of a 'love-triangle' romantic comedy!"

"What does that…"

"…make us?" the twins asked.

"That makes the three of you…" He paused dramatically before pointing at the twins and Axel. "…the homosexual supporting cast!"

"The homo-what?!" Axel demanded.

"All the great romantic comedies have them," Riku placated him.

Axel looked at him briefly, before growling, "I'm going to kill you."

"What does that make you, Riku?" Roxas wanted to know.

"Why, the best friend the girl turns to when her relationships with the two other men in her life fail, of course!"

"So, if she gets her heart broken over us, you're just gonna swoop in?" Kairi demanded.

"That's the way of the lady-killer, bro."

Kairi wanted to slap him. _Definitely not my type_, she glowered in her mind.

**KH**

"I believe it may be time for the Host Club bonding session," Isa proclaimed later.

"Bonding session?" Kairi asked.

"Whenever the Host Club gets a new member…"

"…we go on a little camping trip," the McCartney Brothers replied.

"It makes sure that we all get along," Axel added. "Got it memorized?"

"I'm not sure that's a good idea," Sora murmured. The cramping in his leg had stopped.

"Why not, Sora?" Riku asked.

"You guys remember when the twins joined up?"

There was a chorus of "Oh yeah" from everyone except Kairi.

"That is why we are going nowhere near a beach this time, Sora," Isa placated him. "This time it's a camping trip."

"Camping? Seriously?" Clearly Axel was less than impressed with the idea.

"What's wrong, Axel?" Kairi asked him.

"Axel spends a lot of time on his hair," Roxas explained.

"Just one of the many quirks you'll learn about very soon, Kaito," Ventus added.

"We'll be spending our trip in small shacks built for two," Isa explained the plan. "I've already organised who will be rooming with who. The twins will be together, of course."

"Sweet!" the McCartney Brothers high-fived each other.

"Riku, you're with Axel," Isa continued.

"Yay," Axel said unenthusiastically.

"Yippee," Riku said just as unenthusiastically as Axel.

"I'll be on my own, which leaves Sora and Kaito."

Kairi's eyes widened. This could be troublesome. Almost as bad as the whole 'Rikku-having-a-crush-on-her' issue.

Sora still did not look happy with the idea of the trip. Clearly, this wasn't going to be fun.

_**Feel free to REVIEW. And if you really like this story, subscribe to it! XD**_


	3. Secret's Out

_**Opting for a short chapter today. Partially because I injured myself yesterday. Nothing serious. Let's just say that there was some stairs, my ankle, and my un-coordinated-ness.**_

_**Anyway, enjoy the chapter!**_

The shacks were shabby. Plain and simple. The beds were almost miniscule; the rooms themselves were too.

"How the hell am I gonna sleep?!" Riku demanded. "These beds are, like, five feet long! And in case you've forgotten, I'm 6ft+!"

"You're not the only one, Riku," Axel reminded him. "Make sure you've got that committed to memory."

Sora was still not happy. He'd been sick all the way to the camping site, for one thing, and for another, he was still adamant that he'd get some severe leg cramps.

Isa looked at the tallest members of the group sternly. "It's either sleep in the beds or on the floor."

Axel and Riku looked at each other briefly, before adamantly saying, "Beds."

"That's what I thought," Isa said smugly.

Kairi was still extremely unsure about this whole idea. Rooming with Sora might have its problems, considering there was a fair chance that Sora would find out one way or another that she was a girl. _Not to mention I've got a crush on him_, she admitted to herself.

Wait. Had she really just thought that? Her? A crush on Sora? Hah! No way. He wasn't her type. Then again, she _was_ a fan of the shy guys. _Gah, stop thinking like this, Kairi! Do NOT continue down this path!_

Of course, she did. Now she privately admitted that it might not be a bad thing if Sora found out her secret.

"Kaito?" Sora's voice interrupted her delusional fantasies.

"Huh?"

"Are you gonna come in?" he asked, indicating the door of their cabin.

"Uh, yeah. Sorry. I, uh, spaced out for a while there."

"I noticed that," Sora smirked.

**KH**

After they arrived at the campsite, Isa press-ganged them into performing some trust exercises. The basic 'catch-me-when-I-fall' kind of thing. It was boring to the point of rendering everyone except Isa comatose.

Luckily, the sites were powered, and Sora had brought his PS3, as well as a copy of _Soulcalibur V_. The twins organised a tournament. Everyone would pick their favourite character and put their name into a hat. Whoever's names were drawn out had to fight.

Kairi had a dilemma here. Her best character was Viola, but, as she was meant to be a guy at this particular point in time, she had to pick another one. Eventually, she picked Alpha Patroklos. She'd been pretty good with Setsuka in _Soulcalibur IV_, so that worked.

Sora had picked Xiba. That was a bit of a puzzle. He was without doubt a great character, but his personality didn't fit Sora.

Riku chose, inevitably, Maxi. That fit. They were both, in Kairi's opinion, cocky A-holes.

The McCartney Brothers both chose Dampierre. They liked to play pranks, apparently, so Dampierre's personality fit them both.

Axel, on the other hand, went with Ezio Auditore. He explained that he was a massive fan of the _Assassin's Creed_ series. Roxas added that he could kick ass in the Multiplayer mode of _Revelations_.

The first match-up was Riku vs. Roxas. Riku came out on top there. Inevitably. As annoying as Maxi was, he was way more powerful than Dampierre.

Next was Axel vs. Ventus. Shockingly, Ventus won. Turns out he was a Dampierre expert. Huh.

That left one fight: 'Kaito' vs. Sora. "I should warn you," Sora taunted, "Xiba is my ultimate."

Kairi chose not to answer that.

Long story short, Sora won. Kairi didn't care. She was just happy to get away from Isa's stupid exercises.

**KH**

It was much later. Sora was paying a courtesy call on Riku before he went to bed, so Kairi figured that she had a bit of time to change in piece.

Of course, as she pulled on her pyjama bottoms, Sora walked in. She gasped, unable to hide anything.

He gaped at her. His eyes involuntarily slid down to her lacy bra. He gaped some more. Eventually, he shouted in a voice that could probably be heard in Hollow Bastion.

"**LEG CRAMP!**"

_**You know the drill. Review, subscribe etc.**_


	4. Crisis

_**New chapter, and longer than the last one. Not even close to being as long as the first two, but I'm doing my best.**_

_**On with the show!**_

Riku Gallagher was confused. Ever since the camping trip, Sora and Kaito had been acting really weirdly around one another. Heh, maybe they got into a fight over Rikku. He smirked at that thought.

He found his eyes drifting to Kaito, who reclined on a divan in the Host Club's room. Isa had just told them that the room would be opening to the public in five minutes, so everyone took their places.

_Why do I keep looking at him? _Riku demanded of himself. _Am I jealous of how Rikku feels about him? Yeah, that must be it! Haha! What else could it be?_

He felt his gaze drift across Kaito's body. _What am I doing? _he asked himself. _Why am I so interested in how Kaito looks?_

Evidently, Kaito had caught Riku looking, because he turned his head to face him, an eyebrow raised quizzically. Riku froze. _Am I blushing? Why the hell am I blushing?_

A groaning noise came from the corner of the room. Sora was looking around the room, his hands clenched tightly on his right leg. Riku chuckled internally. No girls were even in the room, and he was already cramping up.

The girls started filtering in. Roughly half of them came to Riku; most of the rest, including Rikku, went to Kaito.

Heat began to rush through Riku's face. His mind was acting of its own accord. _How dare they? How dare they come anywhere near Kaito? Wait, what? Why am I thinking of Kaito? I meant Rikku. Yeah, that's it! *nervous laugh* I meant how dare Kaito charm Rikku away from me? I definitely meant that!_

"You okay, Riku?" Axel asked. No girls were around him, so he could freely talk to Riku, who wasn't paying attention to his groupies.

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine." He flushed.

"Really? 'Cause you look like you're boring holes into the heads of all the girls around Kaito."

"I am NOT!" Riku protested vehemently.

Axel scoffed. "Sure."

**KH**

"I have a problem," Sora said to Riku as the two of them walked home later that day.

"What kind of problem?" Riku asked.

"Well…" Sora coughed, embarrassed. "I have this…friend…who found out a secret about one of his friends. It's a pretty big secret, and my _friend_ promised not to tell anyone."

"Right. Well, the best bet is for your _friend_ to keep the secret."

Sora nodded. "I was gonna tell him that, but I wanted to be sure."

"Of course you did," Riku said sarcastically. "I have a problem of my own."

"Shoot."

He flushed. "Uh, it's a bit, uh, weird."

Sora raised his eyebrows.

"You know this whole…'romantic comedy' scenario I invented with me, you, Rikku and Kaito?"

"Uh, yeah…"

"Well," Riku floundered, "I think it just got more complicated."

"Complicated? Complicated how?"

"I-think-I-have-feelings-for-Kaito." He said it _really_ quickly.

Sora shook his head. "Can you repeat that? Slower this time?"

"I. Think. I. Have."

"Not that slow."

"I think I have feelings for Kaito."

Sora's eyes widened. "You? The lady-killer? Having…"

"Shh! Keep quiet!"

"…feelings for another guy?" Sora whispered.

"Maybe." Riku blushed again.

Sora let out an explosive breath. "Sounds like you need to join that homosexual supporting cast."

"Shut up!" Riku roared. Sora laughed evilly.

**KH**

The next day, Sora went to see Luxord Downes, Destiny High's resident councillor, and told his whole story. Luxord kept silent throughout, his index fingers resting on his bearded chin. When Sora stopped, Luxord quietly placed his hands on the arms of his chair and spoke in a clear, well-educated voice.

"Let me see if I have this correctly. This…new member of the Host Club…goes by the name Kaito Hart."

Sora nodded. "That's right, sir."

"And Rikku Strong, a long-time friend of Riku Gallagher, has a crush of some sort on Kaito."

Again, Sora nodded.

"However, you found out recently that Kaito is in fact a girl, and that you may or may not have feelings for her." He held up a hand. "Don't nod again, Sora. It's beginning to irritate me."

"Sorry, sir."

"Anyhow, Riku, who still believes Kaito is a male, is developing feelings for 'him', as well as for Rikku."

There was a silence.

"You can nod now, Sora. That was an actual enquiry."

Sora nodded quickly.

"Well," Luxord said then, sitting back, "I'm afraid I can't help you."

"But…"

He held up a hand. "This is not the sort of issue that is dealt with in a councillor's office, Sora. You need to deal with this yourself. And quickly, if even half of what you told me is true."

"So…?"

"So, I would recommend that, if you do have feelings for Kaito, or whatever her name is, act on them?"

Sora stared at the man.

Luxord smiled. "Not in a place near the school, of course, but…become closer to her. She might even start acting like a girl. That would be enough to turn away Rikku, and save Riku's sanity."

Sora looked at the floor for a minute, before his face broke into a grin. "Great idea! Thanks, sir!"

Luxord laughed. "Glad to be of help. Oh, and Sora."

Sora stopped at the door of his office.

"Don't let anything like this happen again."

Sora nodded, still smiling. "No problem, sir." He walked out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Once he'd left, Luxord let out a hearty chuckle. "Kids these days. Their lives are so confusing."

_**Again, please REVIEW, subscribe etc.**_


	5. Date? What's a Date?

_**I apologise for not updating yesterday. I couldn't get any writing time in. As an "I'm sorry" gift, you'll once again get two chapters in 24 hours! Yay!**_

_**Enjoy this one!**_

Sora was not exactly the 'planning' type, especially when it came to dates. Mainly because he didn't have them.

He definitely hadn't planned for his first one to be with a girl who dresses up like a guy, either. But that's where he found himself.

Sora's head dropped, slowly, connecting with his desk as he shouted, "HEAD-DESK!"

His mother, Rinoa, came rushing into the room. "What's wrong, Sora?"

Bashfully, he swivelled in his chair to face her. "There's, uh, this girl…"

Rinoa's eyes brightened as she nodded.

"And I really like her…"

"Yeah?" She nodded again.

"And she dresses up as a guy and is a member of the Host Club…"

This time, his mother did not nod. "What?"

"Yeah… Weird, huh?"

"This goes beyond weird, Sora." She sat down on the edge of his bed. "Since this girl's a member of your club, that means you have her number, right?"

Sora nodded. This was true; Isa wanted the members of the Host Club to be able to contact each other as quickly as possible.

"Then call or text her and say you want to walk with her tomorrow instead of Riku."

"What." It was not a question.

"I'm serious!" Rinoa said in mock protest. "Try it. You might be surprised." She got off the bed, ruffled her son's spiky hair and left the room.

"Yeah, right." Sora was sure that it couldn't work. Still, you never know until you try.

**KH**

Kairi was busy watching videos on YouTube in order to make her Alpha Patroklos skills for _Soulcalibur V_ a lot better that they had been on the camping trip when her phone buzzed on her desk. She picked it up and glanced at the display: _(1) new message from: Sora Hikari._

Unconsciously, Kairi's hands began to tremble. The only member of the Host Club who knew her secret (not to mention the only member she was attracted to) was texting her. Gritting her teeth, she opened the text.

_Would u b interested in me walking u home 2moro?_

Kairi blushed. What did he mean by that? She mentally slapped herself. He just meant walking her home. If he had another agenda, he wouldn't have hidden it. She shakily texted back:

_I don't c why not._

**KH**

About two minutes after Sora sent the text to Kaito (or whatever her name was), his phone buzzed. He looked at the screen: _(1) new message from: Kaito Hart._ Without a second thought, he opened it.

_I don't c why not._

Sora's pulse suddenly began to race. Tomorrow he would tell her about his…_feelings_ (he hated that word).

Hopefully, he wouldn't get a cramp.

**KH**

Riku took the news that Sora wouldn't be walking with him surprisingly well. The silver-haired boy had fallen into himself of late, struggling with his burgeoning feelings for Kaito, who he still believed was a guy.

Once Isa had finally managed to escort Rikku away from her ogling of Kaito (she was the last girl left in the room), everyone packed their gear and walked out. Sora and Kaito walked close, the backs of their hands touching awkwardly.

"So…" Sora began once they'd left the school's grounds.

"So…" Kaito repeated back to him.

"Not a guy, huh?"

"Was I that obvious?"

Sora chuckled nervously. "The bra kinda gave it away."

It was Kaito's turn to be nervous.

"I'm gonna take a wild guess and say that Kaito isn't your real name?" Sora said then.

"No it's not."

"Then what is?"

"What's what?" she asked, confusion in her face.

"Your real name," Sora prompted.

"Oh, that. It's Kairi."

Sora gave a shy smile. "Nice to meet you, Kairi."

Kairi stopped in front of a nondescript house. "This is me. Thanks for…"

She couldn't finish her sentence, as Sora's lips were crushed to hers.

Kairi flailed her arms helplessly as Sora continued to kiss her. Eventually, though, she lost herself in it, wrapping her arms around his neck.

The kiss lasted a good ten minutes, including brief pauses for air. Eventually, Sora detached himself from her, a look of bewilderment on his face. "Hey… No cramps!"

Kairi giggled and pecked him on the cheek. "Wonder what that means?"

Sora smiled goofily. "No idea."

He waved as Kairi shyly walked into her house, laughing as she tripped on one of the steps as she looked back at him.

**KH**

What they didn't know was that they were being watched. Riku had followed them. He saw the kiss. And he was enraged.

_How dare he… the little hypocrite! _Riku raged internally. _He knew how I felt about Kaito. He even __**teased**__ me about it! Then he turns around and kisses Kaito himself?! HOW DARE HE?!_

Needless to say, Riku was jealous, and dark thoughts began to swirl through his mind.

_**As usual, please REVIEW, subscribe, yada yada yada…**_


	6. Caught in the Act

_**Here's the next one, just like I promised. And good news! Roxas and Ventus are gonna be a lot more important now! Also, I'm gonna remove the 'Roxiri' and 'VenKai' bits from the summary; I've spent so much time building up to the SoKai and RiKai that it feels weird to do any others.**_

_**Anyway, here's the chapter!**_

The McCartney Brothers noticed immediately that Kaito had changed of late. His gaze was almost perpetually on Sora, and when the latter caught him looking, he looked away, embarrassed.

That wasn't the only change. Why, only yesterday, Roxas was sure he'd heard Kaito giggle. _Giggle!_ It was unnatural!

Speaking of unnatural, Riku had become almost constantly silent. Whenever he looked at Sora, his gaze was filled with hatred. That was weird. Sora and Riku had been friends since, well, forever.

Roxas looked at Ventus.

Ventus looked at Roxas.

They looked at each other.

"Recon," they said in unison, nodding.

**KH**

First, they started following Riku. Instead of going home after Host Club, he started wandering around the school, almost like he was looking for someone.

As it turned out, he was.

Vanitas Almasy.

Ventus' eyes went as hard as agates as he saw Riku clasp hands with Vanitas; Roxas held him back.

Vanitas Almasy was a trouble-maker. Adopted son of Seifer, arch-rival of Sora's dad Leon, Vanitas was always in detention for one reason of another. Most recently it was for bringing a knife to school. Worse, he'd brought it to use on Ventus.

So why the hell was Riku meeting Vanitas in dark hallways after school?

Something was definitely up here.

**KH**

Thankfully, Kaito's secret was less sinister and more 'what-the-frick'.

Sora stretched melodramatically as he got off his divan. "Ya know, I need to use the bathroom."

Axel rolled his eyes. "Why the hell are you telling us all that?"

Sora shrugged. "I dunno." Calmly, he walked out of the room, turning down the corridor that led to the toilets.

Kaito looked around conspiratorially. "I think I need to go too, now that Sora's mentioned it."

Axel looked at him but said nothing.

Riku was staring after Sora, his eyes still filled with hatred.

Isa was indifferent.

As Kaito walked out, the twins looked at each other. "Let's go," they said in 'action hero' voices. Quickly, but quietly, they followed Kaito.

As they got near the toilets, they heard a strange noise coming from a nearby corridor. Hoarse breathing, coming from two different people. The twins exchanged glances. That kind of breathing only meant one thing in this school: people making out.

Like twin ninjas, they peered around the corner. They clamped their hands over each other's mouths to stop each other from gasping in shock.

The two people who were making out were Sora and Kaito.

Completely oblivious to the presence of the twins, they kept at it. For a long time.

_How can they be breathing? _the twins both thought.

After a moment, Kaito suddenly started pulling off Sora's jacket. He protested briefly, but a kiss from Kaito silenced him. Eventually, Sora did the same to Kaito, pulling off his jacket.

The eyes of the twins widened. Once Kaito's jacked was off, they noticed something immediately.

Or rather, _two _somethings.

Breasts.

Female breasts.

At least a C cup, at that.

"What," Roxas stated.

"The," Ventus added.

"Frick," they both said.

Shocked, Sora and Kaito pulled away from each other, looking at the twins. Sora was bashfully putting his jacket back on, while Kaito's arms were positioned to cover his (_HER_, the twins reminded themselves) breasts.

"This is not…"

"…what I expected," the McCartney Brothers exclaimed.

"You can't tell anyone," Kaito pleaded, her voice higher than they'd first believed.

"Especially not Riku," Sora added.

"Why not Riku?" Roxas asked.

Sora sighed. "Because he has feelings for Kairi, who he still believes is Kaito, and a guy."

The twins glanced at each other. "You tell him," Ventus said to his brother.

"No, you tell him!"

"Why me?"

"Because you're older!"

"By two minutes!"

"That's still older!"

"Guys!" Sora shouted. "Just tell me."

Ventus glared at Roxas before looking back at Sora. "We think Riku might already know."

"How do…?"

"He's been meeting Vanitas Almasy after school."

Sora's eyes widened. "Vanitas… Why?"

"That and he's been boring holes into the back of your head for the past three days," Roxas added.

"I thought you wanted me to tell him," Ventus growled.

"Sorry," Roxas apologised lamely. "Couldn't resist."

Sora looked exasperated. "Great. My best friend hates me and may or may not be planning my demise with the most hated guy in the school. Apart from Kairi here, my life looks pretty crappy right now, wouldn't you say?"

"Yeah, we would," the twins replied.

"Thanks," Sora said dryly.

**KH**

Now that the twins knew their little secret, Sora and Kairi allowed them to join them on their little 'excursions'. The twins, however, had one condition: No make-out sessions during school. It already looked weird with the two of them 'going to the bathroom' together, let alone the twins going with them.

Meanwhile, Riku was still meeting up regularly with Vanitas. Their discussions today: Sora.

"The guy stole away my…girl…" Riku complained lamely. He'd decided early on not to tell Vanitas that the one Sora had stolen from him was actually a guy.

"Relax," Vanitas placated him in his sinister voice, "we'll get him."

Riku looked directly into Vanitas' amber eyes. "What were you planning?"

"I just thought I'd take this…" With a flourish, Vanitas produced a replica of a Japanese hara-kiri dagger, with red and black on the hilt. "…and _show it_ to him… Several times, of course."

Riku shook his head vehemently. "No killing, no maiming, no injuring. I just wanna humiliate him."

"He stole your girl," Vanitas reminded him.

"He's still my friend." He again shook his head, decisively this time. "No knives. If you use that, I'll report you to Principal St. Peter. This time, you'd be expelled."

Vanitas' lifeless eyes narrowed angrily. "If you wail on me, I'll tell your precious Principal that you put me up to it."

Riku looked at him, a mixture of helplessness and defiance on his face.

Vanitas put away his knife. "Fine, I won't use it. I'll just drench him in honey, then cover him in chocobo feathers or something? That better?"

Riku's eyes still showed mistrust. "Fine." He walked away.

He didn't see that Vanitas had his fingers crossed behind his back.

The McCartney Brothers, who'd again followed Riku to see what he was up to, did.

They looked at each other, the statement not even needing to be said.

_We need to warn Sora, __**now**_, they told each other with their eyes.

_**Ooh, getting all serious there.**_

_**Anyway, please REVIEW, subscribe, and so on.**_


	7. The End?

_**I'm BACK! :P Sorry it took me so long to update, I've been going through some writer's block.**_

_**Anyway, let's go! Allons-y! XD**_

"Vanitas is gonna WHAT?!" Sora practically screeched.

"Well, we think that he wants to…"

"…stab you just a little," the McCartney Brothers replied lamely.

"How can you stab someone just a little?" Kairi asked.

The twins shrugged. "Don't ask us."

Sora thought briefly before suddenly clicking his fingers. "I've got an idea!"

"What?" Ventus, Kairi and Roxas asked in tandem.

"So Vanitas wants to try to stab me, huh? Well, I say we let him."

Kairi's jaw practically hit the floor.

"Hear me out. Our PE teacher…you know, Mr Strife? He's a friend of my dad. Maybe I can organise loaning out the gym to us by giving him a call."

"Where is this leading?" Roxas asked.

"Well, Vanitas will probably see me entering the gym…_alone_…and try to make his move. This is where you guys come in."

"Us?" Ventus raised his eyebrows.

Sora nodded. "You guys borrow a video camera from Mr Boxleitner and hide behind the stands or something. When Vanitas comes in, you start taping. That way, we'll get evidence of it."

"What about you?" Kairi seemed worried.

"Relax," he shrugged it off. "My dad used to be the No.1 SeeD operative in Balamb Garden. I'm not without a few tricks up my sleeves."

**KH**

Vanitas saw Sora walk casually into the gym, alone. He smirked. What a moron. He's got no idea about what's about to happen to him.

Silently, Vanitas followed him, his sheathed knife rubbing against his leg.

Sora was shooting hoops. Funny. He didn't look like the sporting type.

"Yo, Chicken-Wuss," Vanitas called out to him.

Sora didn't seem fazed. "I see you can't come up with an original insult. You have to steal your dad's trademark."

Vanitas sneered. "Shut up, loser. Don't you go provoking me."

"I'm not provoking anything. You're the one who's getting pissed."

"Very pissed," the dark-haired boy agreed. With a quick motion, he pulled out his knife.

Sora's eyes widened. "I get it. You wanna keep the Leonhart-Almasy rivalry going, huh?"

Vanitas chuckled darkly. "Oh no. This one's personal."

"Personal?" Sora tilted his head to the side.

"Oh yeah." He suddenly lunged at Sora, the knife held low.

Sora deftly dodged the strike, landing a light hit on Vanitas' back. He growled and lunged again, this time keeping control. Sora blocked it with his hands, sending the knife up. Not missing a beat, Vanitas slashed downwards with the knife, cutting Sora's cheek. The brunette grimaced in pain, but grabbed Vanitas' arm. He pummelled it with blows, forcing his opponent to drop the knife, which Sora then kicked away.

Snarling, Vanitas went for a right cross to Sora's cut cheek. The blow was blocked, and Sora landed a hit to Vanitas' solar plexus. Vanitas was winded, allowing Sora to land a heavy punch to Vanitas' jaw. Vanitas roared and fell face-first on the floor.

Sora was panting heavily, well-aware of the blood that trickled down his face. "Stay down there, if you know what's good for you."

Wordlessly, Vanitas got up, growling; he didn't look like he was going to attack again. He grabbed his knife and sheathed it. "Next time, you're dead," he snarled at Sora.

"There isn't gonna _be_ a next time," Sora replied, nonplussed.

Still sneering, Vanitas left the gym, massaging his jaw with one hand. Sora watched him go. Once the dark-haired teen had left, Sora collapsed in pain, grimacing.

Kairi and the twins left their place of concealment and rushed over to him. "You okay?" they all voiced their concern.

Sora gritted his teeth but nodded. "I'll be fine."

"We're getting you to the nurse," the twins proclaimed. Gingerly they helped Sora to his feet, melodramatically supporting him by draping his arms around their necks. Kairi hovered around them, the worry plastered on her face.

**KH**

Principal Xemnas St. Peter was a busy man. Having to deal with all the ne'er-do-wells in the school really took it out of a person. He ran his hand over his eyes.

There was a knock at the door.

"Enter," Xemnas said in a weary voice.

The door opened; the man who walked in had spiky blonde hair, deep blue eyes and a muscular physique.

"Ah, Mr Strife. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

"I'm afraid this is far from a social visit, Xemnas," Cloud Strife lamented. "Some serious accusations have been thrown at one of the students."

"Who?"

"Vanitas Almasy."

"Again?" Xemnas asked in an exasperated voice. "That boy cannot stay out of trouble, can he?"

"Clearly not."

"How serious are the accusations?"

"Very." Cloud's face was deadly serious. "Sora Hikari claims that Mr Almasy tried to stab him with a knife during lunch break."

"_What?!_"

Cloud nodded morosely. "He has bruising on his arms, and a fresh cut on his cheek. When he got to the nurse's office, the cut had been bleeding steadily for about a minute."

"Apart from the cut, what evidence does he have?"

"Ah, here's where it gets interesting," Cloud said then, holding up one finger. "Evidently Roxas and Ventus McCartney saw Mr Almasy and Riku Gallagher one day after school. Mr Gallagher was, apparently, annoyed with Mr Hikari for dating a girl _he_ was interested in. Mr Gallagher wanted Mr Almasy to embarrass Mr Hikari in some way. However, Vanitas ignored that and planned to stab Mr Hikari."

Xemnas' eyes narrowed. This was like the plot of a bad soap opera. Which reminded him… _The Bold and the Nobodies_ was going to start in about twenty minutes.

"Anyway, Sora came up with a plan. The twins and Kaito Hart would use a video camera rented from Alan's IT classroom to film the event. They showed me the footage. It's definitely Vanitas Almasy trying to stab Sora Hikari with a knife."

Xemnas was silent for a moment, before pressing a button on the receiver of his phone. "Ms Blakeslee, bring Vanitas Almasy to my office immediately."

"_Yes, sir_," the voice of his secretary came to him.

Xemnas looked at Cloud. "Get that camera off Alan. It's time we bring an end to this saga."

Cloud nodded and left the office without another word.

**KH**

Stories started to circulate almost immediately about where Sora got the cut on his cheek. Some people thought he was getting desperate for attention and gave himself a scar to match Zack Fair, the movie star. Others believed that he'd gotten drunk and picked a fight with a knife-wielding villain. About the only parts of that story that were right were 'fight' and 'knife-wielding villain'.

Principal St. Peter had called an assembly of the entire school, so the gym was packed with people.

Xemnas walked up to the podium on the stage and tapped the microphone probingly. He then cleared his throat and began to speak.

"I'm sure you are all wondering why I've called you all here. Well, it's rather simple. In the past two days, there has been a serious breach of the school's code of conduct, which has led to the expulsion of a student."

There was a sudden uproar from the crowd.

"Sora Hikari!" Xemnas shouted over the noise. This immediately made the crowd fall silent.

Nervously, Sora stood up and made his way to the stage.

"Many of you have been wondering how Mr Hikari got his now-famous scar. Well, it is directly linked to the conduct breach I mentioned earlier." He paused to take a breath. "Earlier this week, Mr Hikari was attacked…by a knife-wielding Vanitas Almasy."

The crowd exploded with conversation.

Xemnas raised his hand; the students quieted down almost immediately. "Since the event, Mr Almasy has been expelled from Destiny High, while another student, who had collaborated with Mr Almasy but did not know of his plan to attack Mr Hikari, has been reprimanded."

Sora spotted Riku in the crowd, shrinking into himself.

"I have called you here as a reminder," Xemnas continued. "If any student is caught with any form of knife that is not approved by me, they will be immediately expelled. Is that clear?"

There was a rumble of assent from the crowd.

"Good. Dismissed."

**KH**

After the assembly, the Host Club gathered in their room, and Sora was the centre of attention. They'd all seen the footage that the twins had captured, and their words were a mix of concern and pride.

Riku was the last to see Sora. He sheepishly looked at his friend. "I had…no idea that Vanitas would do that… I'm sorry."

Sora smiled kindly at him. "It's no big deal. At least it got Vanitas outta here."

Riku chuckled shyly and extended his hand. "Friends?"

Sora grinned and shook the outstretched hand. "The best."

_**For those who don't know, this 'Alan' and 'Mr Boxleitner' they were talking about is based off Tron/Alan Bradley from 'Tron'. As expected, he's the IT teacher.**_

_**Getting off-topic here, sorry.**_

_**REVIEW! PLEASE!**_


	8. Vacations, Phobias & Secrets

_**I am SOOOO sorry I haven't updated this story in a while. I just wasn't sure what to write for it. But now, thanks to watching another episode of OHSHC last night (I bet you can guess which one from some of the events in this chapter), I know what to write! ENJOY! XD**_

Tests were over, for a little while, at least, which left the members of the Host Club to their own devices. Axel sat separating the McCartney Brothers, while Riku and Sora sat chatting happily. Kaito was sitting nearby, his face distracted. Isa took in the scene at a glance, and made a decision.

"I believe a trip to the island is in order," he announced.

Everyone except Kaito looked at him, grins plastered on their faces.

Kaito tilted his head quizzically. "The island?"

Roxas nodded. "Isa's family owns it."

"Not all of it," Ventus corrected.

"But most of it," Axel smiled.

Kaito stared at Isa. "You _own_ an island?!"

"My family owns a large portion of one, yes."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Riku asked. "We went there for the bonding session before last, and that didn't end well for Sora."

The brunette in question grimaced and stroked his leg gingerly.

"Have you been…"

"…paying attention, Riku?" the McCartney Brothers argued. "Sora hasn't had…"

"…a leg cramp in a long time now!"

Isa was sure he saw Kaito blush. His eyebrow rose, but he said nothing.

Sora nodded carefully. "They're right, Riku. I think I'll be fine."

Riku shrugged. "If you say so. I'm not massaging your leg if you get cramps."

"I never expected you to, asshole."

Axel grinned at them. "Look at you two, bickering like an old married couple."

"Shut up, Axel!" the friends shouted in synchronicity so good it made the twins' eyebrows shoot up.

**KH**

The Thornton family beach-house on the unnamed island was almost as big as Destiny High itself. Kairi was barely able to contain herself as she gazed up at it. "This is AMAZING!" she shouted, careful to keep her manly façade.

"It's not much," Isa said noncommittally. "Just a little place we Thorntons like to call our second home."

Once all the luggage had been dragged from the minibus into the house – _mansion_, Kairi told herself – there was only the matter of sleeping arrangements.

"Despite the house being quite large," Isa informed them, "there are only a few bedrooms. I get my own room, of course, so that means there's enough for two people to sleep on their own, but some of you will have to share."

"Not it," Riku shouted.

"Not it," Axel chimed in.

The twins shrugged, while Kaito and Sora remained silent.

Isa nodded decisively. "Since it's near impossible to separate the twins, they'll room together, which leaves…"

"Me and Kaito, I know," Sora interrupted.

Isa almost smiled.

**KH**

The most awkward part of it was watching Kairi unpack. Sora was fully aware of how feminine Kairi truly was – and boy did he like it – but it was still unsettling.

"Where are they?!" Kairi demanded angrily as she unpacked.

"Where are what, Kairi?" Sora asked quietly.

"My swimming clothes and my pyjamas! The ones I usually use!" She paused as she pulled out a decidedly pink bikini. She glared at it angrily. "Mom!" she growled.

Sora tilted his head, confusion on his honest face.

"My mom's aware of my tomboyish tendencies," the disguised girl explained. "She just doesn't accept it."

"Meaning…"

"Meaning she's replaced most of my boyish clothes with girly ones!"

Sora looked down at his own suitcases. Rinoa had insisted on him taking enough clothes to last him a month, so he had way too many. And sure, they'd be baggy on her, but…

"You can use some of my clothes, if you want," he offered.

Kairi eyed him closely. "Won't you run out of clothes?"

He raised his eyebrows sardonically. "Have you seen the number of clothes my mom packed?"

"You have a point," she conceded.

Her face was suddenly covered by a clean-smelling black shirt. Sora had thrown it at her, and she hadn't reacted. She grabbed it and pulled it off her head. "We're going to the beach tomorrow, right?"

"Yeah," Sora replied, gazing up at the dark sky through the window. "Too dark and stormy to do it today."

"S-stormy?" Kairi stammered.

Sora nodded. A sullen rumbling punctuated the confirmation. Kairi straightened visibly.

"What's wrong?" he asked her.

"N-nothing," she denied. There was a flash, and a simultaneous crashing of noise. She screamed, her hair standing on end.

Sora's eyes widened. "Are you…scared of a little thunder and lightning?"

"No!" Kairi shouted, moving to the large wooden wardrobe and gripping its handles. "I just have some business to attend to, okay bye!" With that, she pulled open the wardrobe, climbed in and closed it behind her.

"What business could you possibly have in a wardrobe?" Sora demanded.

There was no reply from the wardrobe.

Quietly, Sora made his way to the wooden cabinet and opened it. "Kairi, you don't need to hide from the weather."

"Why not?" Kairi murmured ridiculously.

"Well…" Sora pretended to think about it. "One, it can't hurt you while you're in here. Two…" He picked her up and placed her gingerly on her bed. "I won't let anything happen to you."

Kairi looked him dead in the eye. "You…mean that?"

Sora nodded vehemently. "I'm never gonna lose you."

The tomboy smiled and kissed her secret boyfriend; the night passed without any more cries of fear.

**KH**

"Where's Kaito?" Riku asked as they all stood shirtless on the beach.

"He's…uh…on his way!" Sora replied awkwardly.

Isa gave him a sidelong glance.

"Here he comes!" the twins called.

Kaito walked out onto the beach, glancing around nervously. He wore a shirt that was far too big for him that had a strange-looking robot/alien, wearing a chef's hat, which was saying "EGGS-STIR-MILK-BAKE!" His board shorts were a simple black and white. Despite not wearing anything revealing, girls were staring at him, including one who was pale, blonde and was wearing a simple white bikini. The twins both seemed very entranced by her.

"Alright!" Axel shouted. "Now that everyone's here, we can have some fun!" He manfully grabbed Kaito and hoisted him high. The latter gave a surprisingly girlish scream as Axel carried him into the water. He screamed again as the redhead threw him into the deeper water.

Sora face palmed. _This won't end well._

And it didn't. When Kaito resurfaced, telling off Axel for dunking him, his shirt was gone. Evidently it had come off in the water.

This meant that everyone could see the bikini top that the shirt had been hiding, as well as its contents.

Riku's eyes bulged, as did Axel's. Sora clamped his hand over his eyes, while the twins, still staring at the blonde girl, were completely oblivious.

"You're a…chick?!" Axel almost screeched.

Isa smiled. "I knew it."

"_What?!_" Sora shouted at the blue-haired man. "You knew?!"

"For how long?" Kaito asked, her arms covering the top half of her body.

"Since the twins introduced you to me."

"Seriously?!" Ventus demanded. His twin, who was usually directly beside him, was speaking to the blonde further up the beach. She was giggling at his outlandish actions.

Isa nodded in response to Ventus' shock.

"So why did you let me into the Host Club?" Kaito demanded.

Isa looked at her. "Because I thought that having a member of the Club who was actually female would be interesting."

Axel whistled. "That would explain the googly-eyes that Riku's been making at you, Kaito."

"SHUT UP!" Riku roared, gesticulating wildly. "YOU DIDN'T NEED TO BRING THAT UP!"

Axel poked his tongue out at the silver-haired man, who growled and tackled him.

"This'll make things back home weird, though," Ventus mused.

"How's that?" Sora asked him.

"Well, it means that Rikku fell for another girl. Does that make her a lesbian?"

Sora froze, unable to figure out a way to answer the question.

"No," Kaito said quite calmly. "She doesn't know I'm a girl. So she thinks she's fallen for a guy. She's straight."

"Who's straight?" Roxas asked, suddenly reappearing next to his twin.

"Rikku," Sora explained. "Your twin was wondering if, since Kairi's actually a girl, if that made Rikku a lesbian."

"Of course it doesn't," Roxas scoffed.

"Well, I didn't know that!" his twin protested.

"Where did you run off to?" the girl now known as Kairi asked Roxas.

"I got Naminé's number," he grinned.

"Naminé?" Sora asked.

"That blonde girl over there." He turned and waved at her, a grin on his face. The girl coyly waved back, a flirtatious smile on her face.

"As interesting as all this is," Isa deadpanned, "we should probably drag Riku away from trying to strangle Axel before they _both_ drown."

So they did.

_**I kinda wanted to sneak in the "mistaken S&M pervert" situation in here somewhere, but I wasn't sure how to, so I didn't try.**_

_**Anyway, PLEASE REVIEW! PRETTY PLEASE?!**_


	9. Mission: Improbable

_**I think it's time to end some potential relationships and start some others, don't you? Without further ado, let's go!**_

Once the vacation was over, it was business as usual for the Host Club. Well, mostly. There was still the complicated love square that had developed.

In analysis, it looked like this: Kairi and Sora were dating, a fact that only they themselves, along with Isa and the twins, knew. Riku also had feelings for Kairi, though he'd backed off slightly after the revelation of her true sex. No-one really knew why that was. At the same time, Riku had feelings for Rikku, who was interested in Kairi, who she thought was Kaito, a man.

"Oww… My brain hurts!" Ventus exclaimed.

"I know," Roxas remarked, running one hand through his blonde spikes. "So does mine."

"How are we gonna get Rikku away from Kairi and onto Riku?" Sora asked.

Kairi raised an eyebrow at him.

He flushed. "That's not what I meant!" he protested, waving his arms around.

"I know. I just like teasing you." She smiled flirtatiously.

"Don't I know it," he smirked.

"Eww, don't need to know!" the twins shouted, causing Sora and Kairi to burst out laughing.

Isa's face was creased in thought. "Long-distance relationship," he said suddenly.

"What?" Sora, the twins and Kairi all exclaimed.

"If Rikku asks, we say that 'Kaito' is in a long-distance relationship with someone."

"We'll need a name," Ventus added thoughtfully.

"Naminé!" Roxas shouted, snapping his fingers.

"What, that girl you met on the island?" Sora asked. "The one _you're_ in a long-distance relationship with?"

Roxas nodded. "I'll call her today and see if it's okay if we use her in this."

"Why would you need to ask her?" Kairi wanted to know.

"Because, knowing Rikku, she'll want proof," Isa explained.

"Oh. That makes sense, I guess."

Isa then looked at Roxas. "Call her now, and if she says yes, give Kairi her number."

"Why now?" Sora demanded.

"Because we open in ten minutes, and Rikku will make a beeline for Kairi once those doors open."

Sora's eyes widened. "You have a good point there."

"Of course I do." Isa somehow managed to say it without sounding smug.

**KH**

Isa had been 100% correct in his assumptions. Once the Host Club's doors opened, Rikku dashed straight to Kaito, who made some show of sending a text. Rikku used her patented puppy-dog eyes, which Kaito ignored.

The twins tapped Rikku on the shoulder; her puppy-dog eyes suddenly filled with anger, catching them off-guard.

"We hate to be the ones to tell you this…"

"…but Kaito's dating someone," they informed her.

"What." It was not a question.

"We're serious!" Roxas protested. "We went to Isa's island during the vacation, and he met this girl…" He turned to his twin. "What was her name again?"

Ventus adopted an exaggerated thinking pose. "Naminé, I think."

"Yeah, that was it!"

Rikku turned to Kaito, her heart in her eyes. "Please tell me they're lying."

"About what?" Kaito asked.

"About you dating someone from Isa's island."

"Oh, that. No, they're not lying." He turned back to his phone.

"Prove it!" Rikku almost screeched.

Kaito looked at her. "Okay, if you say so." He pressed a few buttons on his phone and held it to his ears. "Naminé? Hi, honey! It's Kaito. Yeah, Roxas _did_ introduce us, didn't he?" He laughed. "You're too cute, Nami. Hey, there's a girl here who wants to talk to you. Yeah, she's a friend of mine. Is that okay? Awesome! Thanks, babe. You're the best." He handed his phone to Rikku. "She's all yours… Metaphorically speaking."

Gingerly, Rikku took the phone and held it to her ear. "Hello? Yes, I'm a friend of Kaito. Y-you did? You are?" She suppressed a sob. "N-no, I'm fine. Just…allergies!" She giggled weakly. "Yeah… Yeah, he is. Okay… T-thanks for telling me." With that she passed the phone back to Kaito and ran towards Rikku, tears streaming down her face.

"Well, that's done," Kairi said in her normal voice. "I hate that it made her cry, though."

Roxas held out his hands. Immediately understanding, Kairi threw the phone at him; he caught it deftly and held it up to his ear. "Naminé?" he asked quietly. "Yes, it's Roxas. Who else would it…" There was a pause, in which he glared at his twin, whose eye twitched slightly. "I see. Well, thanks for telling me. And double-thanks for helping us out." He grinned at whatever her response was. "I'm liking you more and more every second, Nami. Talk to you soon." There was another pause; Roxas blushed suddenly. "R-right. Okay. Bye." He hung up and threw the phone back to Kairi.

"Why are you blushing?" Kairi asked as she caught the phone.

Roxas coughed uncomfortably. "I think I need a cold shower."

Ventus grinned at his twin's awkwardness.

Sora walked up to them, a smile on his face. "Check it out." He indicated over their shoulders.

Riku and Rikku were caught in a tight hug, and Riku occasionally kissed the blonde girl's forehead, muttering "It's okay" over and over. He was blushing.

"I'd say mission accomplished, wouldn't you?" Roxas grinned.

"Yes," his twin agreed. "Yes I would." They high-fived. Kairi and Sora grinned at each other. No more awkward love squares messing things up.

_**I wonder what Naminé said to Roxas *smirks***_

_**PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW!**_


	10. Culture Shock

_**Just to show you this story isn't dead, here's a short – and funny – chapter. Sorry I kept you waiting for so long.**_

* * *

For some reason, the coming of the weekend was anticipated more than ever that week.

Riku grumbled as he sat up from his divan, where Rikku had been tracing circles onto his chest. She pouted as he sat up, then giggled as she began to mess around with his long silver hair.

"Stop that," he chided her kindly.

"But your hair…" she pouted again.

"I know, I know. I just need to talk to the guys."

She stood up and strutted out, waving at him as she left.

"Hey, senpai, having fun?" the McCartney Brothers said, suddenly appearing behind him.

"I thought I told you not to call me that!" Riku shouted.

The twins chuckled and high-fived.

"What's with them?" Kairi asked from the other side of the room, still affecting her boy-voice for some reason.

"When we first founded the host club, the twins insisted on calling Riku 'senpai' as he had based the club off of something he'd found when he visited a school called Ouran Academy in Japan," Isa explained blandly.

"That still doesn't really explain things," Sora whined, wrapping his arms around Kairi's waist.

"You guys don't know?" Axel smirked. "Come on! 'Senpai' means 'senior' in Japanese. Since Riku's the president and founder of the club, he's a senior member. Seriously, guys, learn your Japanese!" He laughed.

"_Shizukani shite kudasai!_" Isa snapped at him.

"_Sumimasen…_" the redhead murmured.

"Ready for your house party, boss?" Ventus asked Riku.

"I told you not to call me that, either!"

"Just answer the question," Roxas whined.

"As ready as I'm ever gonna be."

"Woo-hoo!" The twins started dancing ridiculously.

"Are they doing happy dances?" Kairi asked, her eye twitching.

"You'll get used to it," Sora muttered into her ear before he kissed her neck.

**KH**

Riku's house was almost as big as Isa's holiday home. You know, the one where the host club finally found out that Kaito was actually a girl named Kairi? Well, picture that…only a little bit smaller.

"Mom, I'm home!" Riku called. "And I brought the boys!"

A tall, dark-haired woman with tattoos all over her arms walked towards them and smiled. "About time you fellas got home." Her accent was odd.

"This is my mom," Riku told them.

"Call me Fang," the woman smiled. "Everyone else does. Come in, come in."

The boys – and Kairi – all hung their coats on the nearby coat rack. The poor piece of furniture looked like it was about to keel over from all the coats on it.

"Help yourself to some drinks and nibblies," Fang smiled as she walked to the kitchen.

"Nibblies?" Kairi muttered.

"She means 'finger food'," Isa explained. "You see, Fang's Australian, and they use different slang terms to us."

"Oh, I get it."

"Oh, Riku, I forgot to tell you," Fang said then.

"Tell me what?"

"Your uncle's here."

Riku's eyes suddenly appeared panicked. "He is? Seriously?"

Fang nodded. "He wanted to see you again."

"Oh crap."

"Sephiroth Newbern is here?!" Ventus exclaimed.

"That he is," Fang smiled. "And let me tell you, he's nothing like you think he is."

There was the sound of footsteps from the hallway, and a silver-haired man walked out.

Wearing a dress. And make-up.

If it weren't for the muscles, he could easily have been mistaken for a woman. Long hair, full lips…he even had a fair set of pins on him.

The twins burst out laughing.

"Riku," the man smiled, hugging their friend against his will. "I've missed you."

"U-Uncle Sephiroth," Riku choked. "Not…the best…time…"

"Oh, sorry." Sephiroth put him down. "Well, lovely to meet you all," he said to the host club members. Then, without another word, he strutted out, his hips swaying.

"Oh my God!" Ventus had tears in his eyes. "Sephiroth Newbern…is a cross-dresser?!"

"Actually, he's a drag queen," Isa corrected meticulously.

The McCartney Brothers laughed even harder.

"Now you know why I hate bringing you guys home," Riku muttered.


End file.
